My Story

In my high school years I attended an all girls Catholic school. Most of the girls were desperate to show they were heterosexual, resulting in many of them having boyfriends or plastering pictures of their male pop idols all over their lockers and school books. I was never one for perving on the boys and going 'crazy' over a boy walking through the school or looking at me. I should have known then I guess, but I didn't. How could one admit in the seventies at the ripe age of 13 that they were more interested in girls than boys?

All my life I have wanted relationships with women. Not in the sexual sense, in the maternal sense .....or so I thought! As I was growing up I didn't live with my Mother and thought that all my feelings about wanting to be close to women were because I was missing the maternal nurturing I so desperately craved. I had felt closeness to female teachers and nuns. I thought it was because I looked on them as a mother figure.

How wrong I was! I used to think that I wasn't a very worthy person. I had low self-esteem due to events that happened in my childhood. I had two or three sexual experiences with males but the first male who really became interested in me swept me off my feet. I had always dreamed of having a family and to do that I needed to be married, or at least have a male partner. I was brought up in a very heterosexual family.

I met the man I would marry when I was eighteen years of age. We had an on/off relationship resulting in the birth of my first child. We consequently had another child and eventually married. We separated three times in the twenty one years of our relationship, as well as having a few more children. I was never really happy in my marriage and thought there must be something wrong with me. My husband would say I should act like a 'normal' wife. He was referring to my lack of interest in sex.

In my early twenties a friend confronted me asking if I was bi-sexual. I indignantly denied that I was. I did however fantasise about that particular woman and hoped that one day I would be brave enough to confront her and maybe embark on my first sexual experience with a woman.

Throughout my life I still thought that I was missing the maternal nurturing of a mother until I finally confronted my feelings towards a woman I met on the internet. When we embarked on a relationship I knew that all along it was not the maternal nurturing I was craving so much. It was love from another woman. I'm not inhibited by my sexual hang-ups when I'm with my partner because being loved by a woman is not all about sex, it's about how sensual and full of worth I feel when I'm in my lover's arms. I have never felt the same feelings of sensuality when I've been in the arms of men.

My story ends on a happy note. My partner moved states to be with me and we have been living together for the last two years with our children. It has not been an easy two years due to many reasons too detailed to go into, but we have managed to overcome the many hurdles we have come across. We are happy and in love and plan to be with each other for the rest of our lives.